Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize