NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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