I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
