I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
