I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
