big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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