I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
