The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
