If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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