She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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