hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
