I murdered the dance floor call the cops
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
