I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
