i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
