i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
