I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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