The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
