I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
When are your genitals available?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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