singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
