The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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