you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
