I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
