I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
