We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
