I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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