ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
