you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
