Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize