saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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