Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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