so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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