nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
