as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
