I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
