It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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