Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
