...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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