my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
