Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
