I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The air was thick with penises
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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