Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize