just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
