ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
