Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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