his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
