Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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