i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
