May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Rumble strips road head = magical
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
