the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
