It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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