i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize