You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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