I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
