i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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