What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
farters have to be the big spoon...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
