If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize