Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
