The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
