im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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