I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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