Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
