I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
