saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Can you bring me the toilet please
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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