i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
