Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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