Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize