Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize