So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
