She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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